What do you know about Date Rape? Do you know the difference between Rape and Date Rape? If you type “Date Rape” in a search engine, most articles will be about protecting one’s self  and preventing rape by traveling in pairs and staying sober around people you do not know. You might also see the Lifetime movie scenario of the naïve, clueless woman walking in a dark alley by herself, then the creepy man comes out of no where, attacks the woman, and rapes her. **Newsflash** According to National Victims Center, 84% of women who were raped knew their attacker, 57% of rapes occur on a date, and approximately 28% of victims are raped by their husbands or boyfriends. The website,  About Date Rape definition of date rape is, “when someone you know socially (but not family) makes you have sex when you don’t want to.”

Society often teaches women “how to not get raped” instead of teaching men “do not rape.” While it is important to teach someone how to protect themselves if they are put in a dangerous situation, I believe it is more important to teach self-control and the meaning of no. Rapists have the mindset similar to abusers, they all want power and control. When their power is tested, they do whatever is necessary to maintain a sense control and to receive what they feel is entitled to them. If we teach men how to channel these negative feelings and teach self-control, we might see a reduction in these statistics.

Too often people place blame or fault on the victim. For example, “She’s dumb! she shouldn’t have been walking by herself,” or “She dressed and danced provocatively, she clearly asked for it.” It does matter if a person is half naked, walks alone, drunk, or even if they have been on an expensive date with someone. In all of these cases, if the victim did not agree or say yes out of their own mouth, they are not obligated to have sex and no one has the right to force sex upon them. At the end of the day STOP means STOP, and NO means NO.

Some people view Date Rape as just a women’s issue since women are largely affected by it, but  men can be affected by the issue as well. Date Rape is more of a community issue because the people we love are often victims. We have to get rid of the image of the rapist being a creepy stranger, because sometimes the rapists are also someone we love. If you know someone who struggles with power and control issues, encourage them to get help before they take their problems out on someone else. If you know someone who is a victim, help rebuild their self-esteem and remind them that they are not to blame. If you are a victim, although it can be scary, I challenge you to report your attacker to let them know that their behavior will not be tolerated and to help prevent them from hurting someone else.

Various online news articles are referring to this incident as a “murder-suicide” and prior to his death, some community members voiced their opinion that Mr. Leon should receive the death penalty or serve a lifetime prison sentence without parole.  But we JANE Warriors wonder if that’s the answer.  Does arresting perpetrators of violence increase people’s safety?  Does it eliminate domestic violence in our communities?  And does it recognize that perpetrators might need support and strength to change their behaviors?

Regardless of the answers to those questions, JANE wants to remind everyone that two families are suffering today and mourning the loss of loved ones.  And one baby girl is going to grow up with the knowledge that her father killed her mother and then killed himself.  This alone should be enough to explain why teen dating violence awareness and prevention efforts are so important in communities across America.  But it shouldn’t take a loss of life to make things happen and it’s clear that proclaiming February as Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month is just the tip of a very large iceberg.  So JANE challenges you to think of ways you can spark discussions around dating violence in your neighborhood, at school, or in your workplace.  In honor of the Umanzor and Leon families, let’s make 2012 a year of better, more effective prevention efforts.

Sending peace, light, and love to the families of these young people and to anyone affected by partner violence.

Check it and tell us what you think!!

Hope you’re as excited as we are!

Healthy breakups that is. Talking face to face, not behind the computer screen or through a friend. Letting someone know why you no longer want to be with them and why it’s not working out. This is a healthy break up because there is no confusion and no lies, just a honest clean cut. When the signs are clear that the relationship has come to an end, there are no hopes and lingering feelings. You might reminisce about your ex after the break up, but when you know it’s completely over, it’s easier to move on.

When the break up is healthy, the aftermath of the relationship will be too. You won’t have ex’s spreading rumours online or feeling guilty about the relationship and the need to hide whenever you see your ex. All of this means that you are more likely to have healthier relationships in the future!

Even though many people feel like sometimes breaking up is not a big deal or is just something that occurs and that’s the end of it all. It’s nothing like that; there are always feelings involved and once the feelings are really deep the other person may feel crushed after the break up. Some teens respond more negatively than usual, including attempting to commit suicide. Knowing the right way on how to end a relationship is very important because you may never know what will happen next. Some tips that will help lead to a healthy break up are:
• Don’t beat around the bush
• States your reasons clearly
• Don’t scream or get too emotional
• DON’T DO IT OVER FACEBOOK OR TEXT
• Make sure you have eye contact and that they are getting what you are trying to say
• Be mindful of your ex’s soon to be feelings
• Let them know that you would still like to keep in contact but at the moment you are just not ready for a relationship. (if that’s what you really feel)
• Be real
• No sugar coating
• Don’t do anything that will make your partner look bad in other’s eyes (e.g: Like showing people naked pics they sent you long go or talking about their personal life to others)

Source from change.org

Now we all know what could happen if we were to have unprotected sex with our partners, and they are unexpected pregnancies or catching and STD or HIV. Though there is nothing wrong with bringing a child into the world, I doubt that it is in your plans to have a child while you are still young and in high school. Especially since at this time you should be thinking about keeping your grades up for college and to strive for the career you’re interested in.

I have made it my mission to always remind everyone to get tested since I’ve been affected by a loss of someone who I loved and was very closed to. My sister died in 2002 from an HIV infection, when my sister passed she was 22 years old at the time and she didn’t know much about HIV or AIDS. At the time there weren’t many options for patients like there are now. There is medicine out now that can prevent the disease from killing your immune system.

That is why it is so important to go check yourself if you are sexually active in your relationship. Remember staying healthy is way sexier!